Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
