people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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