so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
