I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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