If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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