It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Who died my cat blue again?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
