Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
