Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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