He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
