I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize