im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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