Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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