# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
