Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
