I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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