i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
