i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
