Sry I called you an 8
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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