Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
