Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
