you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
