Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
