Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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