omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
