What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
