I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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