I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
