She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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