Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
