I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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