Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
