a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
These tits shall not be calmed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
