He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
