i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
