We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
