On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
