So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he puts the penis in happiness.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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