Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
