i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
