areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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