i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
