GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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