I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
