so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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