Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Randomize
