We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
