It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
