how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
