don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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