i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
