I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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