i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
