so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
