i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
