you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
