I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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