it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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