as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
