i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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