Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
