butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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