why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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