I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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