Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize