Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
