That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
