That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
