Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay