why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book