Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.

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  (917): i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does. http://tfl.nu/fsmd
  Replies (18) Good night (4339) Bad night (642)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

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  (908): Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life. http://tfl.nu/04rm
  Replies (63) Good night (1242) Bad night (5385)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (6093) Bad night (940)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.

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  (407): I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist. http://tfl.nu/erea
  Replies (11) Good night (3897) Bad night (920)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Someone shattered a urinal.

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  (678): Someone shattered a urinal. http://tfl.nu/a493
  Replies (8) Good night (1801) Bad night (983)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The key to alley sex is drunkeness.

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  (780): The key to alley sex is drunkeness. http://tfl.nu/zhh3
  Replies (7) Good night (2329) Bad night (903)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.

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  (678): I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/j7y2
  Replies (4) Good night (3054) Bad night (1137)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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  (413): How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA? http://tfl.nu/rcz7
  Replies (16) Good night (1003) Bad night (560)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  That's not what Jesus is for

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  (207): When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck. (1-207): That's not what Jesus is for http://tfl.nu/8stw
  Replies (20) Good night (2705) Bad night (851)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.

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  (940): P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message. http://tfl.nu/r5mr
  Replies (4) Good night (773) Bad night (457)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.

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  (512): I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours. http://tfl.nu/179p
  Replies (8) Good night (578) Bad night (1001)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween

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  (508): Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween http://tfl.nu/vg53
  Replies (6) Good night (579) Bad night (315)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.

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  (773): We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/hprn
  Replies (3) Good night (686) Bad night (282)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic

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  (865): On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic http://tfl.nu/e5gj
  Replies (2) Good night (245) Bad night (742)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?

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  (302): I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka? http://tfl.nu/42g5
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (358)

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