Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex