Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
