I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now