2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
