I think scott just propositioned me for sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
