if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We have so much sex to catch up on
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
