I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In America we eat man semen.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
