wake up i wanna do it froggy style
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
