ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
